🍣 The Ministry of Fishy Names

What the tale of “salmon chaos” tells us about the government in Taiwan

Do not underestimate the length to which the Taiwanese public will go in search of a bargain. This was what the conveyor-belt sushi chain Sushiro found out when they offered free all-you-can-eat sushi to anybody named “gui yu” (salmon) plus their friends as a part of a special promotion. Within 2 days, 300 people changed their names to take advantage of the promotion. Including:

• Some names were pretty utilitarian, such as “Lai Salmon Belly” (賴鮭魚肚) and “Chiang Wasabi Salmon” (詹哇沙比).

• A lot were puns. (潘同鮭魚盡)

  

• A woman decided to turn her new name into a vision board, changing it legally to Chiang "Salmon and bearpaws are tasty passing the pharmacist exam in on go." (蔣鮭魚與熊掌好吃藥師國考一次過)

• Spare a thought for “Chang Dreams of Salmon” (張鮭魚之夢). He wasn’t told until after his name change went through that he had just used up the last of his three life-time allotted name changes.

By now the story of “salmon chaos” has made it from The Washington Post to The Telegraph to Vice. But I want to look a little deeper to show how the collective insanity of hundreds of people legally changing their names for a two-day fish promotion can tell us about the government in Taiwan.

Some aspects of Taiwanese bureaucracy is amazingly efficient

I’ve never changed my name, but what I have done quite often over the years is mislay my Taiwanese ID card. To get a replacement, I head down to the Household Registration Office where I could get a replacement while I wait, in about 30 minutes from walking through the door. I did a little googling to see how getting a comparable replacement document would be in other countries.

• UK — one week, three weeks if postal

• US — two to four weeks, this is after the hassle of getting in at the DMV

• NZ — “Within 21 days”

And get this…the total cost of the name change? A grand total of NT$80, which is less than three US dollars.

To blow your mind even more, if both parties agree to divorce and there are no arguments over the division of party, it is possible to get a same-day divorce!

Taiwanese law can be inflexible and possibly disrespectful to minorities

Indigenous peoples of Taiwan often prefer the romanized versions of their names versus the Sinicized version, which tends to be clunker and harder to parse. However, under Taiwanese law, it’s not possible for indigenous people to use the romanized version of their name exclusively on their ID, although they may list it alongside their name in Chinese characters. For instance, Kolas Yotaka, the spokeswoman of Taiwan’s Executive Yuan, has been going by her romanized name for ten years. However, the name listed on her ID alongside her romanized name is still 谷辣斯・尤達卡, which sounds like “Gǔ là sī yóu dá kǎ” when pronounced.

Many indigenous Taiwanese were outraged by the double-standard. They’re told they can’t have their romanized name on the national ID to avoid confusion, but that seems less plausible when one Mr. Chen just legally changed his name to a 50-character paean to Salmon and how much he loves his girlfriend.

The Taiwanese government loves to meme

I don’t consider it one of their best, but the Ministry of the Interior came up with this image graphic, complete with salmon puns-a-plenty, to try and convey the message that you’re only allowed to change your name three times by law. After that, you’ll be stuck with the last moniker, no matter how fishy.

I guess the government that brought you 2020’s world-beating COVID-19 response is also the government that bought you “salmon chaos.” I literally cannot imagine another country where this fishy fracas could have happened. It took the perfect storm of incredibly efficient local administration and bored, meme-driven and highly price-conscious youngsters.

This is probably as good a place as any to present my pitch for a Seinfeld reboot in Taiwan. Episode one — “The Salmon Chaos.” George and Kramer both changed their name to take advantage of the Sushiro promotion, except George couldn’t change it back because his parents already changed it twice when he was a baby to take advantage of a custard tart promotion. The spiteful bureaucrat at the household registration office didn’t tell George it was his last and final name-change until it was too late because they dated once and she could finally get back at him. Meanwhile Kramer went to the wrong sushi place and racked up a huge bill and the restaurant doesn’t know what to do with him. THE END!